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Most of us, as we were growing up, learned various forms of control to get love and avoid pain.Controlling behavior is any behavior that has an agenda attached to it—behavior that is an attempt to get your partner to change and to see things your way.Perhaps you're feeling a bit blown away because you've just realized that your partner—someone you love—is a narcissist.You feel very connected to this person, but you also feel turmoil and confusion because you know you're not being treated as well as you could be and don't know what to do.

Narcissists will always look for their opportunity to “one up” anyone and everyone.And yet, for all the good reasons a person who finds themselves dating or married to a narcissist might want to leave, there are still some perfectly valid reasons they might want to try to make the relationship work.Some examples: For your relationship to work, your narcissistic partner will need to be proactive about changing—and that means they need to seek out professional help.If you have any chance of making this relationship work, you need to heal your end of the codependent system.In order to stay and make it work for you, you need to stop trying to be responsible for your partner's feelings and focus on taking responsibility for your own feelings instead.

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